the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
