Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
