so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize