i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
