He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize