I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
