Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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