I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have aggressive nipples.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
