I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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