turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
pray to the hookup gods
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i now understand why vodka
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
