Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
