Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
