So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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