When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think people are normalizing furries
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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