Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
