YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
