Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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