You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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