Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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