I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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