Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
