i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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