we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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