He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
