so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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