she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
