so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
