I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
