i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
