our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
