Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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