Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
