Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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