I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
