She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize