does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
