i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
