So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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