Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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