He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
