You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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