on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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