I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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