i think my tv is drunk
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize