thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
