you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
