you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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