Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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