the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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