I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
