i may or may not be watching the land before time
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
