The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
