I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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