were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
