i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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