Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
