I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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