And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
