What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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