We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
