dude i'm inner monologue high
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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