I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
