Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize