the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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