Small penises have feelings too.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize