I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
