Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
